During the week I was already tired. Dinner with some friends that were in from out of town and gathering the guys for dinner is always a task....but it worked out and our dinner was great. Great laughs and conversation and halfway decent food.
Friday night I chilled with the family. Saturday was busy. I went to the Co-op in the morning the get my fresh produce. I came home and ran around in the sprinkler with the minis and then got ready for a lunch with another out of town girlfriend. We met at a yummy place known for their Mushroom pan fry....but I had the chopped salad...delish...then went and returned a bunch of crap...ugh...I came home and finished dinner for our dinner company..another family with kids, like us....yay!
Then today was chill...ran errands in the morning and then more sprinkler fun..and a bit of a sunburn...hahahaha...
It's moments like these, as busy as they may be, that remind me that I wanted this life...the kids, the running around, the chaos etc...but what I didn't want was someone who was constantly stressed to take it out on me....someone was in a foul mood this weekend due to business stress and it somehow leaked out on me...and what would have been a perfect weekend but for his stress...
No need to beat around the bush friends....we all know who I am referring to....and it is a recurring theme....when business stresses him out I become the punching bag..no, not in literal terms....but I become an ever absorbing diaper for a grown man...frustrating huh?
It's funny cause it's moments like these when the ghetto part of me starts throbbing in the vein that lies in my neck...I can feel it pulsating....I remember being single, in the dating scene...some kid I'd be on a date with would say something stupid and I'd peace out...I'd literally get up from the table throw down some cash and peace the f*** out....
I know it sounds crazy but for real..I was a no bullshit girl and for the most part all these years later I still am...I have the ability to cut you off as if I have never known you...I can look you dead in the eye and be as cold as ice...don't get me wrong, there's a period before hand, albeit brief and emotionless, where I contemplate not cutting you off, but general the scale tips and it's a done deal...I put the cross on you...and it's over...
But then I have moments where I am overjoyed and filled with love...it's just that these moments are so rare they are uncomfortable for me...weird huh...I don't necessarily think this applies to anything related to my children, but for relationships it's different.
I saw in an earlier post that I mentioned that love between a husband and a wife was unfortunately conditional, I still stand by that statement. It is conditional and there are so many moving parts it is easy to get off track and find yourself in the middle of nowhere not recognizing a damn thing. But what do you do when the conditions seem more one sided...what should the compromise be? And side note...why the f*** doesn't therapy really help? LOL. I'm just throwing that out there....ha!
It's late...I'll finish this one at a later time....
G'night.....
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