I have officially hit a wall with my spouse. The anger and rage he holds deep inside him that colors every action or conversation he has will not subside. I moved 2500 miles away to take him away from the pain and he still (after 5 years) can't let it go. My heart is breaking. If he could let it go he could see how much it hurts us, our children our entire family unit.
I asked him tonight, what if? What if I got a great paying job in DC? He said, "go with the kids and be happy, I am not coming."
My eyes re puffy from the overflow of tears. 9 years worth of tears and pent up frustration and sadness all pouring out in 10 hours. How can that be? How can I have been so sad for so long and have done nothing about it?
It's not about anyone else but him..there is no one else...there is just him with all of his pain and anger and my broken heart.
He doesn't even seem sad...it's weird...you know.
If I got a job offer, I would go. I would try to keep my little family happy. I would try to remember who I was when there wasn't so much anger and rage. And mostly I would try to love myself enough to keep it all together.
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